Celebrity Casting: Mike Tyson’s Punchout


I think it’s cool when video games make such an impact that they’re turned into “Blockbuster Movies”. Super Mario Bros., Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat and Resident Evil are great examples. Wikipedia has the full list. So i figured, if any video game could be turned into a movie ‘Mike Tyson’s Punch Out!!’ could be it. Without further ado, I present to you the cast of Mike Tyson’s Punch Out!! starring:

Minor Circuit

Glass Joe … Owen Wilson

We start off with Owen Wilson playing the underrated 1-99 Glass Joe. Sure Glass lost a few, but I’m sure Owen can capture his charismatic timid self as Joe. We’ve never seen Owen as a boxer, but then again he does have a permanent broken nose. An implanted chin clef wouldn’t hurt too.

Von Kaiser… Tom Selleck

Three men and a little lady was pathetic, just as much as Tom’s mustache compared to Kaiser’s. A small applicator of Just for Men, red dye #2, and a little grease to oil up his stache tips might turn his performance into a great German Boxer.

Piston Honda… Jason Scott Lee

After ‘Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story’, Jason Scott Lee can pretty much nail down any Asian Martial Artist. Strap some leather gloves on him and what you see is the ideal Piston Honda. I dare you to find a better match!

Major Circuit

Don Flamenco… Adam Sandler

This one might surprise you, but looks alone seal Adam Sandler as Don Flamenco. He’s got his grace, the hair with the stupid cowlick, and the long head. His fighting performance in Wedding Singer was below par, but putting a rose in Sandler’s mouth IS possible.

King Hippo… Butter Bean

Ok, this was either too easy or there’s really no other possibility. Butter Bean is a Boxer. Butter Bean is over weight. Butter Bean hides an umbilical injury behind his championship belt. All the (Butter) fingers point to King Bean himself.

Great Tiger… Kal Penn

Flame me with nasty comments for this one. I had no other choice but to choose Kumar. Thinking many of you have seen the opening preview to Harold and Kumar 2: Escape from Guantanamo Bay, I thought Kal Penn was the best for this role. I have a feeling, I’m forgetting someone else.

Bald Bull… Charles Barkley

Bad attitudes and big tongues. Bald Bull is known for his ‘Bull Charge’. Something Sir Charles knows about, you know, a Mr. Michael Jordan and his ‘Bull Charge’ denied Chuck his run at any NBA Title. Also, Charles Barkley has been known to throw a punch. I mean after he connected with Shaq’s chin, I would run the other way too!

World Circuit

Soda Popinski… Jesse Ventura

Yes, most of my casting selections are based primarily on looks, but Jesse Ventura has the credentials people. Are you forgetting he was once, Jesse “The Body” Ventura? Or that he also starred in one the best Sci-Films of all time “Predator”? Jesse has been known to throw punches at his politician oppositions (9-11 Conspiracy), so doing it with one glove and the other with ‘POP’ in it would be a sight.

Mr. Sandman… Lawrence Taylor

One man breaks jaws with his devastating uppercuts. The other snaps legs like it was 6:45pm on Thanksgiving night. Sorry, I had to bring up the Joe Theisman’s Leg break. I do believe the resemblance is uncanny, if I say so myself.. which I did.

Super Macho Man… David Carradine

Many people forget that Super Macho Man is a grey haired chicken leg freak of nature. I didn’t. David Carradine does lack the chin, metaphorically and physically but his performance in Kill Bill: Volume 1 shows his ruthless side. I say, cast David. If his old chest looks terrible on camera consider Beatrice “Bea” Arthur.

Mike Tyson… Michael Strahan

I already got some flak for this one. I know Mike Tyson should play Mike Tyson. Well take a look at Michael Strahan, he’s got the look and the gap in his teeth. I know, “Did you have to pick two New York Giants?” Who else would make a better Tyson? No one! You guys are lucky, I was going to invite BeetleJuice from the Howard Stern show so shut up!


Trainer… Carl Winslow not Reginald VelJohnson

Need I say more… Al Roker came in a close 2nd.

Little Mac… Matthew Broderick

Although Matthew Broderick has aged, he would still fit into a perfect role as Little Mac. His wife Sarah Jessica Parker would probably kick his ass, but she’ll soon realize that he has a “select” button with her name on it. Damn I hate Sex and the City folk. Got a better choice for the Movie Role, we’d like to hear it. I swear, if I see anyone saying Bea Arthur SHOULD replace David Carradine… [ad#chitika-premium-us-traffic]

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16 responses to “Celebrity Casting: Mike Tyson’s Punchout”

  1. […] that’s good…real good. Click here for the full fake cast // Cache-busting and pageid values var random = Math.round(Math.random() * 100000000); if […]

  2. Chris says:

    Bea Arthur should replace David Carradine. 🙂

  3. Refugee says:

    Could you say posting of the year! I love the gaming myths article, but this one stole the show! Don’t forget to add Mario the referee….
    Kezins, get those servers ready, expect heavy traffic tonight!

  4. Wow. Plenty of uncanny resemblances.


  5. Oh, yeah, and…

    Bea Arthur should replace David Carradine.


  6. Jesba says:

    Nice list, although I think some of your choices are a bit off. Oh, and everybody knows Super Macho Man should be Steven Seagal:)

  7. Boffo says:

    Don Flamenco looks more like Screech

  8. Juan Perez says:

    Screech now, or the early years of Saved by the Bell with Ms. Bliss? I have to say the only one that gave me a problem was Great Tiger, I still think there’s someone out there who’s better.

  9. Will Snizek says:

    you know Screech might work, but he’s actually just too much of a spazz for the role.

  10. Juan Perez says:

    No Anna Peterson comment? She’s good for at least one comment on my posts.

  11. Nintendad says:

    Awesome, but how can you have this list and not have Piston Hurricane being represented by Stuart Scott from ESPN?

  12. RustyNeko says:

    Adam Sandler would be perfect for Don Flamenco!

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  14. […] got me excited.   The information we DO know is that Little Mac is back.  Who else is on the cast?  We’ll let you know.  You knew Nintendo’s new MotionPlus Wii had to be used for […]

  15. rewrew says:

    omg me and my brother use to always say that doc the trainer looks like fat carl from family matters lmao

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