Review: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, No Venom Here

Cobra GI JOE

Let me first say that video games based off movies most times don’t play well.  So I knew it was an uphill battle with developer Double Helix in EA’s G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.  A few of the games qualities stand out but not many.  The classic G.I. Joe theme song is mixed in throughout the game along with the vast array of playable characters give this game a challenge on who to use and when.  But will these points make you feel like an American Hero?

Plethora of Joe’s. In single player mode, you begin with a third-person view controlling one of 3 classes.  Your choices are Commando (great at close range), Heavy Weapons (long range), and Soldier (a mixture of the two.)  Starting off with Duke and Scarlet you play in Contra style gameplay.  No not side-scrolling, but more of a hold the “shoot” button down and move around in linear levels destroying enemies and bases along the way.  Or dare I say a 3-D version of Smash TV for the NES without the fun part.  Throughout the story mode,you rack up battle points and use them to unlock additional characters.  With up to 12 different players, find the right mixture of two is the key.

Boss- GI Joe

Checkpoints, not really. Ok, my main gripe with this game is the lack of “checkpoints” in Advanced and Hardcore.  It seems like developer Double Helix wants to re-invent the wheel and change what we gamers know about checkpoints.  Simply put, their checkpoints don’t reload your player after a death.  I found this very annoying because even after attaining a “checkpoint”, I knew if I died I would have to restart the entire level over again.  So, let me give you their terminology of checkpoints, they are load points for the next section of the level.  Which happens after you beat it, argh.  Was my message clear with the amount of times I said “checkpoints” above… good!

Weapons are half the battle. Each character will have their own “Special Attack” that can only be used after picking up medallions.  If playing solo be sure to switch characters after 3 collected medallions if not the extras will not count after the third which means it’s a waste.  Jeez, they couldn’t make the medallion invisible somehow to the player with 3 already???  Continuing on foot, after you get a certain amount of kills your G.I. Joe icon will fill up with yellow.  Once it fills up to the max, you will be able to unleash a “Yo! Joe” which is sort of like eating a super pellet in Pac-Man.  Nothing can hurt you, and you will be god-like for the duration of the theme song… A Real American Hero!!!

Vehicle Control, how so? One of the stronger arsenal’s in the game, is the ability to jump into a tank/armor vehicle and obliterate things.  But can anyone explain to me the vehicle mechanics?  Half the time, I didn’t know if I was shooting ot accelerating because I was afraid the stop pressing 3 buttons at once.  KISS, Keep it Simple Stupid!

Duke- GI Joe

Stay Clear of these Cobras. I try to find the positives and negative in every game I review.  Unfortunately fans of the 80’s cartoon classics will find very little positives in G.I. Joe.  I will say, I enjoyed how this third person shooter based on the Summer Movie tried to break the mold of games by introducing a new blend of cinematics from the movie and added original gameplay, but this is not the right time or place and it’s repetitiveness outweighed the originality.  Consider G.I. Joe your summer girlfriend.  She looks good in a bathing suit and everyone talks about her all summer long, but unwrapped and come September you will forget about her.  Ok, back to my gaming Pro vs. Cons…

Unlockable playable characters
Gameplay within the first hour


Repetitive Gameplay
Camera Angles

Feel free to forget about purchasing this game anytime soon.  With the price tag set for $59.99, what you get is about $12.65 worth of enjoyment.  I’d rather take the butchers word for it ~ Tommy Boy quote.  If you have a twin who also likes to play the same crappy game you do, you two may find yourself in the $9.99 isle for the co-op portion in G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.  With that said, this should be called “G.I. No Go: Another Wayans Brother flop”.


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5 responses to “Review: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, No Venom Here”

  1. Refugee says:

    4 out of 10… i keep telling you young guys that games were always better in the 80’s. Take my archived article as an example

  2. Great review. Thanks for letting me to avoid
    this pile of sh__!

  3. mzitt11 says:

    Oh well no big deal, i didn’t like the cartoon either.

  4. mrjuandrful says:

    I’m afraid to admit it, but Cobra Strike was a better game.

    @Carlos Macias
    Thanks, I’m here to filter the crap out for you. Mrjuandrful-Brita at your service!

    There was a cartoon? 😉

  5. Kezins says:

    I actually liked the game, despite some of the glaring problems. As far as vehicle controls, I had no problems. If you switch the camera to “relative” it’s much easier to figure out what you are doing. The game really reminded me of a modern Contra. If the targeting system wasn’t so bad, this could have been a really good game. It seems like they rushed it.

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